She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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