This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The air taste purple.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
