you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize