the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
