You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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