I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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