im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
