"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Oh god it's open bar.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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