Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
literally had 100 drinks last night.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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