Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
