mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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