best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
