I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
