My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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