I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im holly from the hills drunk
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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