GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
