FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
