So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
