Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
