It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
