i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
