ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
