the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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