Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
