if i can run in heels then i can drive
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
