STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
