Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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