As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
