Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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