You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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