I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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