The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
