Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize