She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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