Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
