Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
