so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
