One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
