I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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