so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
