I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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