I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
