need another drink. this is the easiest way
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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