god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
