So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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