I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
