Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
