Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
