Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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