hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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