Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
