Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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