he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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