you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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