I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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