She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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