I showed him my bush... on skype.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
