what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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