It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
