So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize