a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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