Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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