Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just cropdusted the office
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
