Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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