you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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