I feel like abortions should bother me more
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
