Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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