I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
