I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize