We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
