You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
