my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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