OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
