he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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