It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
