Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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