I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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